My Conversation with God About My Sin

If you’ve read my blog about “My Dirty Little Secrets,” you know that I struggled with habitual lying for decades. (Click here to read that blog.)

On the Monday after Ron was discharged from the hospital, I began to prepare my second talk for the women’s event.

Unlike the previous week, I had not yet prepared the upcoming talk, which was very unusual for me. Now I know why! This talk was to be a testimony, and I quickly began to sense, even as Ron and I rested over the weekend, that I would talk about lying about Ron’s surgery date, and especially God's gracious work in my life.

But unlike such times in the past, I had grown in my ability not only to ask forgiveness from God, but also to have sweet conversations with Him about my sin, so that I could hear His transformative love for me during our time together.

“Godversation” is my word for having back-and-forth conversations with God. I usually journal my Godversations, because I want to remember what God says! Godversation is not just asking God what He wants me to do, confessing my sins, praising Him, and giving thanks to Him in traditional ways—although Godversation can include those things. But Godversation goes beyond that to include talking back-and-forth with God about what I feel and think, and hearing Him say what He feels and thinks. Godversation is more relational than transactional. It’s a continual two-way conversation instead of separate one-way communications from God to me or from me to God.

God wants to transform you in Godversation with Him! 

Below are 4 ways that I’ve learned to have transformational Godversations about my sin. The examples are a continuation of my story above.

I pray that you will try Godversations about your sin too, and that you will be transformed by the amazing grace and love of our Lord!

4 Transformational Conversations You Can Have with God About Your Sin

The examples that I list below are copied from my journal. My words are in blue. God’s words are in purple.

1. Confess your sin to God and ask for His forgiveness—but do it conversationally—telling Him honestly what you think and how you feel about what your sin.

James 1:9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Most of the time when we confess—if we confess—we ask God for forgiveness without conversation. Instead of doing only that, tell God what you think and feel about your sin, invite Him to respond, and continue to talk back-and-forth with Him. When you hear Him talking in relationship with you about your sin, you’ll be more likely to believe that He still loves you, forgives you, and wants to comfort and help you after you sin.

My example:

God, I blew it again! I lied in a big way.

Tell me, my child. Don't be afraid. I love you.

I lied to the coordinator for the women’s event, and I lied to several other people who had to cover for me at the last minute. I’m sorry they had to cram to cover for me. Most of all, I’m sorry I lied to them and to you. I’m sorry I sinned. I was wrong.

I still love you. Nothing you ever do will change that. You’re my Child of Wonder. (That’s God’s name for me, taken from my constant sense of wonder when I was a child—wonder about nature and, even then, about God).

(I felt the warmth of the Holy Spirit.) Thank you, God. Please forgive me.

You're forgiven. Thank you for coming to me with this. I know it’s not easy. You are doing well. I'm proud of you. (I felt God smile.)

God, you are so good to me. Even when I fail, you lift me up.

I will lift others up as too, as you share your failures for my glory. You’re good at sharing your sins and struggles for to point to my glory! I love the way you’re so transparent in your desire to help others grow!

Wow, thanks! That’s so encouraging!

2. Talk with God about why you sinned.

James 1:14-15: Each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin.

Most of the time, we don’t even think about having this kind of conversation with God. But if we do, he’ll help us discover why we sin in the ways that we do, and He’ll help us to change.

My example:

God, I want to talk with you about why I lied.

How will that help you?

It helps me to grow, and I feel closer to you.

Great! I’m listening!

Please ask me questions like you always do. I love it that you coach me, since I myself am a coach!

It’s one of many ways I want to affirm who you are.

Awesome! I lied because I didn’t want Barb to find someone else to do my talk. I wanted to do my talk so much. I think I heard you tell me that Ron’s surgery wouldn’t be postponed, but I still hoped it would be postponed, so I waited until the last minute to tell everyone.

What was so important to you about doing the talk?

I want people here to value my ability to speak well, creatively, and transformationally. I’ve been in this church for two years, and no one here has heard me speak for more than five minutes. I want to be known and valued for who I am and what I do.

I created you to be and do all of those things. You do them well! I know it’s hard for you not to be known for these things. But this is part of what I’m doing at this time in your life. You need to be able to depend upon me to provide your validation and strength. Only then can you move to the next level of your calling.

Huh. Yeah. I see that.

But really, you’re doing well. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I forgive you. I'm proud of you. You've grown. 

Yes, I have! Thank you!

3. Talk with God about how He wants to grow you and your calling through what you’ve learned.

Psalm 51:10,13,15: Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me…. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you….Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise.

My example:

God, I know that you want me to confess my sin to the people I sinned against, and to ask for their forgiveness.

I’m really leaving that up to you. I don’t always command that you confess to the people you lie to. I’m not commanding it this time. I’m leaving it up to you.

I’m thinking about confessing to them. I’m scheduled to give a testimony at next week’s women’s event. I’m thinking about including my decades-long struggles with lying. I've talked in public before about my habitual lying and your healing of that. But I've never confessed to lies that were so recent. And I've never confessed that I've lied in specific ways to people who are actually sitting out there in the audience! I’m nervous. What will the people think? My reasons for lying are so petty. But I also know that you can work powerfully through such a transparent testimony. And I want that.

If you do it, I am with you. If you don’t, I’m good with that too. 

I want to do it. Please give me some Scriptures to encourage me to be a person of integrity.

Col 3:9: Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.
Eph 4:25: Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
Matt 5:8: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Prov 24:26: An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.

This is real. I’m really going to do this. I really need your help. I’ve only got two and a half days to prepare, and I'm nervous about the public confessions.

Don’t shrink back. Don’t pull any punches. Don’t worry about coming on too strong. Be you! Be passionate, compelling, and fun! Go all out! I am with you! Prepare and deliver with great boldness! I have called you! I have empowered you!

4. Ask for God’s courage and wisdom as you grow beyond your sin and continue your relationship with Him.

Psalm 51:12: Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

From God’s forgiveness, love, and encouragement, do what He has called you to do as a result of your confession.

My example:

On the night before my testimony, this verse appeared in my devotional reading:

1 Kings 6:17. The Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he [saw] chariots of fire all around Elisha.

God, I’m really nervous about tomorrow. I would love for you to show me something that I’m not seeing now—something spiritual and important to encourage me for tomorrow. Would you do that?

What would you like to see?

Something about how you will be present with me in that room, working your purposes through me.

Look at Sandy at the other members of the Wing Team. (The Wing Team is the prayer team for the women'ds event. Ladies dressed as angels, as reminders to pray because God is there.).

On the morning of my testimony:

Good morning, God!

Good morning, my child!

Holy Spirit, I felt your presence last night in bed so strongly. Just soaking up your love! I believe I am doing right by confessing. Yes?

Yes. You’re doing it more for your talk than you are for yourself or me. 🙂

Yes. I'm sorry. Please cardiovert me. Like you cardioverted Ron’s heart? LOL!

I have. I am. I will.

I’m really nervous.

Understandable. You’ll love it when it’s over! LOL!

:-/  🙂 Thank you so much for this opportunity. And thank you for NOT having me speak last week. You've brought so much growth and intimacy with you through this whole event. Thank you so much!

My testimony did indeed go very well the next day. Before my talk, I confessed individually to each of the ladies that I had lied to, and I told the audience about their grace-filled, loving responses during my talk. God accomplished His purposes through my talk, and I grew tremendously in my intimate relationship with Him!

Action Steps

1. The next time you sin—or even now, if there’s a sin you need to discuss with God—do the “4 Transformational Conversations You Can Have with God About Your Sin.”

2. For lots of back-and-forth conversations with God, check out Tony Stoltzfus' book, Questions for Jesus. Click here to see it at Amazon.

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