Your Closest Family and Friends Are Probably Not Your Best Encouragers in Your Christian Calling

This is a shocking statement!

It's not what you would expect. After all, you call them your "loved ones" because they LOVE YOU!!!

So why wouldn't your spouse, your best friends, etc., be your best cheerleaders for such an important thing as your calling from God?!

This is an extremely common phenomenon. Many of my coaching clients tell me that I'm the only one with whom they talk in any detail about their calling, expressing frustration or at least wistfulness that their family and friends don't "get it."

It's also very common in the Bible. Even Jesus' family thought He was crazy, and the religious leaders thought He was possessed by the devil.

• Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.” And the teachers of the law who came down from Jerusalem said, “He is possessed by Beelzebul! By the prince of demons he is driving out demons.” (Mark 3:20-22)

Well, that's extreme! I haven't experienced anything so radically oppositional from friends and family. But more often than not, when I've told them what I'm doing in my calling, they smile blankly, there's an awkward silence, and then we move on to another topic. So I pretty much quit trying. 

What's up with that?! I seemed to stall with that issue, with myself as well as with the clients I coach.

But then, a few months ago, my hubby showed me—unitentionally, but powerfully—how to remedy that! 

What My Hubby Taught Me

A few months ago, my husband Ron and I sipped the last of our coffee (him) and tea (me) after breakfast on our lanai. The sun was bright, but the air was not yet hot and humid. A mockingbird sang from our neighbor's rooftop. It was a great Florida morning from my perspective.

And then Ron said, "Don't get me wrong but..."

Uh...not usually a good thing to hear...

Ron continued, "I believe God brought us to Florida, especially for you and what you like to do. But I'm bored. It's not like I thought it would be." I could see the angst on his face.

I was shocked. We'd talked about him possibly re-starting his model train hobby, but there was no place big enough to do that in the house. He's a diecast car collector too, and his cars are beautifully displayed in our living room, entryway, and guest room.

We'd talked about setting him up in our large garage, but installing an air conditioner and insulation would be expensive. I probably would not have spent that much money on a hobby of mine, and he didn't push it for himself, so I didn't think he wanted to do it either. 

But as we talked that morning on the lanai, I realized these were more than toy trains to him. This hobby connected his heart to his childhood and growing up in North Braddoc, PA, when the Pennsylvania Railroad chugged on multiple lines sixty yards from his back door in the steel-town neighborhood, and street cars carried passengers back and forth just five steps from his front door. Trains and automobiles have always been an important part of who he is. 

Soon after Ron and I started talking about this, the light bulb came on! I got it! It's important that my hubby lives his values, just as I do mine. I thanked him for having the courage to bring it up!

Now, a few months later, our garage is air-conditioned and insulated. We hired a neighbor who is gifted in carpentry to make Ron a chest-high table for the garage that is 10 feet long and 3 1/2 feet wide and fits perfectly in the big, wide-angled corner by the door. 

I delight in watching Ron tinker around in there, being who he is and doing what he loves. 

And I encourage and support him all I can in that, because I love him. I ask him about his train and trolley layouts, help him brainstorm, ask him questions, help him order train stuff online, and enthusiastically support him when he expresses hesitation about spending money on his hobby. 

Through this experience, Ron taught me something important about encouragement. I wasn’t "getting" what was important to him. So he spoke up. And I'm so glad he did. We grew closer, and I found new ways to love and encourage him.

• Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

The Bible tells us to encourage one another. Sometimes we just don't know how to do that! Keep reading to find out how!

Ron's Model Train Layout in Progress!

What My Hubby Did

Why Your Loved Ones Don't "Get" Your Calling

I’ve coached dozens of people about finding and fulfilling Christian calling. Most of these clients eventually express frustration that the people closest to them don’t “get" why calling is so important.

Can you relate?

Below are three reasons loved ones might not “get” your calling:

• They don’t have a strong sense of calling themselves, so they don’t realize how important Christian calling is to you. This is why many Christians say that the people who "get them" in calling are people who have a strong sense of calling themselves, and these are often not closest family or friends.
• Your calling is specific to YOU. Therefore, no one else will “get"—understand and be as passionate about—your calling as much as you. This is especially true as you get older and become more specialized in your calling.
• Even if your loved ones realize how important your calling is to you, they don’t know how to encourage you and support you in your calling.
• The higher your level of achievement in your calling, and the stronger you seem to be, the less your loved ones will think you need their encouragement. They’ll just assume you know what you’re doing, you’re confident in it, you’ll succeed, and you know more than they do anyway, so they don’t think you need their help or encouragement!

How to Get the Encouragement You Need from Your Loved Ones in Your Calling

Tell them you that you indeed need their encouragement and support! This is the part that often seems most obvious to you but least obvious to them!

• Tell your loved ones what you want to do in your calling—your hopes and dreams—and why you're excited about it.
• Share how you’ve sensed God in your calling.
• Tell them why this particular expression of calling is such an important part of who you’ve always been. (i.e. why trains are important to my husband, and why writing is important to me)

Tell the people closest to you how they can encourage and support you in your calling.

• Ask them to pray for you and your calling in specific ways.
• Invite them to ask you regularly how your calling is going.
• Ask them to be a part of what you're doing in some way.

How to Give the Encouragement Your Loved Ones Need in Their Calling (Or in Whatever Else Is Important to Them)

Hey, it's only fair and right to return the favor!

Ask your loved ones to tell you something important that they’d like to do—or have been thinking about possibly doing. (a calling or something else, like a hobby, personal dream, etc.)

• As they share, affirm them and their dreams.
• Tell them you believe in them.
• Reflect back their excitement.
• Ask them how you can encourage and support them in these important things they’ve shared.
• Encourage and support your mentors, even if you don't think they need it from you. It's easy to think your mentors are so accomplished, wise, and confident—and so far beyond where you are—that they don't need encouragement from you, or that you really have nothing much of value to offer them. That's not true! In fact, the more influence a Christian leader, or any leader, has, the less likely they are to receive encouragement and feedback, and it's so nice when they do! So send them an email, post on their social media page, etc., even if you don't know them very well! You might just make their day! 🙂