Is “Christian Self-Confidence” an oxymoron?!

I used to think it was somehow wrong to be self-confident as a Christian. Shouldn’t I be confident in God, not myself? So even when I was self-confident, I felt sort of guilty about it!

The fact is, I’ve struggled with self-confidence most of my life. I’m a geek. I can be socially awkward and relationally clueless. And I’m super-absent-minded!

But I’ve learned that Christian self-confidence is not only good, it is absolutely essential to being who I am and fulfilling my purpose in life!

God actually wants me to be self-confident!

Ha! Go figure! But it’s true!

Gideon: a self-doubting warrior*

God called Gideon a “mighty warrior” when He commissioned Gideon to free Israel from the oppressive Midianites. But Gideon protested, “How can I deliver Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”

So when Gideon asked God for a sign to confirm his commission, God sent an angel who torched Gideon’s offering right in front of him! And God then told Gideon to tear down his father’s idol.

But in spite of the miraculous sign, Gideon tore down the idol secretly in the dead of light instead of in broad daylight for all to see.

After God told Gideon to lead the Israelites to war against Midian, Gideon asked for more two more confirming miracles, first for dewy fleece to appear on dry ground, and then for dry fleece to appear on dewy ground. And God performed these very specific miracles! So, to his credit, Gideon and 300 Israelites followed God’s direction and defeated all 135,000 Midianites.

But then, surprisingly, Gideon acted arrogantly! When his warriors offered him booty from the war, he at first declined, but then he accepted, and then he made a golden ephod (garment) from the booty, which he bizarrely led Israel to worship!

Then the Israelites offered to make Gideon king. Gideon at first refused, but then he named one of his sons Abimelech, which means “My father is a king”!

Gideon was a mess, alternating between timid cowardice and destructive false pride!

Consequences of low Christian self-confidence

1. Wimping out on our calling or only partially fulfill it

Example: Gideon tore down the idol, as God commanded. But he did it at night, which was not what God had in mind.

2. Medicating self-doubt with self-promotion

Example: Gideon appeared to be humble, but he named his son “My father is a king.” He wanted to be confident in himself and in God, but he didn’t quite make it.

3. Leading others down confusing or even destructive paths

Example: Gideon led the Israelites to worship an ephod, which was a warped desire to look confident.

David: a self-confident warrior**

David was the youngest of eight sons. He was a lowly shepherd, held in contempt by his warrior brothers, and undervalued by his father.

But David had a healthy sense of self-confidence. His experience defending his father’s sheep against bears and lions, and a faithful response to God’s call on his life, gave him the self-confidence to take on Goliath with just a slingshot and five smooth stones.

Of course, David had his failings. But he usually acted with integrity, from healthy self-confidence and minimal false bravado. And when he did fail, he repented fully and sincerely. God blessed David and used him in mighty ways.

And David fulfilled his calling as King of Israel and, most significantly, “a man after God’s own heart”.

Benefits of Christian self-confidence

1. Willingness to take risks when God gives opportunities

2. Strength and courage to step into God’s call on your life

3. Ability to bounce back when people reject or disagree with you

4. Better relationships, because people are more at ease around you

5. More opportunities, because people believe in self-confident people

Which of the above benefits of Christian self-confidence most strongly touches your heart?

Women and self-confidence

Studies show that women tend to be less self-confident than men.***

Women ask for salary raises four time less often than men, and when they do ask, they ask for 30% less money than men.

Women typically don’t apply for a job unless they meet 100% of the qualifications listed for the job. Men will apply if they meet 60% of the job requirements.

Women underestimate how well they can perform, but men typically overestimate how well they can perform.

Men do doubt! But they don’t let their doubt stop them as frequently as women do.

Regardless of the reasons for these differences, both men and women are equally created in the image of God, and God loves and values all of us equally!

It helped me to see myself in some of these statistics, and to intentionally correct myself when I might otherwise hold back.

The difference between lack of self-confidence and lack of God-confidence

In my coaching practice, I hear people say a lot, “I need to have more faith.”

But most of the time, what’s lacking is not faith in God, but confidence in self.

Here’s how to tell the difference. If you have no trouble seeing and believing how wonderfully God works through other people, but you have trouble seeing or believing He works just as wonderfully through YOU, then you don’t need more faith! You need more self-confidence! You need to believe what God believes about you!

How to become a more self-confident Christian

The internet and bookstores are full of tips for how to have more self-confidence

But the best way to do it is to learn to see yourself as God sees you, believe what He says about you, and experience His direct approval for yourself.

Ask Jesus each of the questions below. Believe that He is talking to you through your heart and mind!

Jesus, what do you really like about me today?
Jesus, what experiences have you given me, throughout my life, to prepare me for my calling?
Jesus, I am unconfident. But who do you say I am?
Jesus, how do you want to give me confidence today?

Learn how to have personal, back-and-forth conversations with Jesus every day, and experience your deepest desires being filled by Him. Tony Stoltzfus’ books, The Invitation, and Questions for Jesus will show you how.

Click here to find out more about growing in Christ with R.J. Scherba.

Footnotes:
* Gideon’s story is in Judges 6-8.
** This part of David’s story is in 1 Samuel 17.
*** For a fascinating review of self-confidence in women vs. men: The Atlantic.